Love Is In The Details

“Love makes the world go ‘round.” Perhaps there is no more used or overused word
like “LOVE.” I would imagine that the number one word or theme in most genres of music is
love and relationships. Many, if not most, people are fascinated and driven by love or what
they assume to be love. Many questions immerge as we think about love. Why is it so
important? What really is love? How do people feel loved? And as Tina Turner asked,
“What’s love got to do with it?” The simple answer to Tina’s question is EVERYTHING!

In January 2022 I made a commitment to spend the year digging deeper into the Old
Testament. Sometimes the OT gets de-emphasized or dismissed in our modern culture, and I
wanted to have an informed answer if I’m ever in one of those conversations on controversial
issues. As is common when people start reading through the OT, we can get bogged down in
Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers. However, this time I was seeing things that I had not seen
before, and it was actually enlightening. As I was wading through the extreme minutia of the
sacrificial system, skin infections, celebrating festivals, the building of the tabernacle, etc., I
began asking myself the question, why has God put so much energy and specificity into
every conceivable category of the sacrificial system? The attention to detail is obvious and
could be way too much for people who don’t like to live in the weeds, like me.

There are specific details for intentional and unintentional sins. There are details for a
sin offering, peace offering, food offering, grain offering, guilt offering, festivals, and I don’t
even want to get into the details about skin diseases and bodily discharges. For one kind of
sacrifice in Numbers 15:4-5 God says, “he who brings his offering shall offer to the Lord a
grain offering of a tenth of an ephah of fine four, mixed with a quarter of a hin of oil; and you
shall offer with the burnt offering or for the sacrifice, a quarter of a hin of wine for the drink
offering for each lamb.” God doesn’t just want His people to bring an offering made of flour,
oil, and wine with your sacrificed meat offering. He specifically says, in our measurements,
bring 2 liters of flour, a gallon of oil, and a gallon of wine. For a peace offering in Leviticus
3:6-11, “…an animal from the flock, male or female, he shall offer it without blemish. If he
offers a lamb for his offering, then he shall offer it before the Lord, lay his hand on the head
of his offering, and kill it in front of the tent of meeting; and Aaron’s sons shall throw its
blood against the sides of the altar. Then from the sacrifice of the peace offering he shall
offer as a food offering to the Lord its fat; he shall remove the whole fat tail, cut off close to
the backbone, and the fat that covers the entrails and all the fat that is on the entrails and the
two kidneys with the fat that is on them at the loins and the long lobe of the liver that he shall
remove with the kidneys. And the priest shall burn it on the altar as a food offering to the
Lord.” Wow, so detailed!! In the building of the Tabernacle and Tent of Meeting God gives
exact measurements in Exodus 26 and picks the colors of the curtains: blue, purple, and
scarlet. It’s like God is the original DIY and HGTV architect and designer.

As we finish wading through all of the rules and statutes we begin to immerge on dry
land as we start reading in the book of Deuteronomy. Moses wants to give a history lesson,
reemphasize the covenant, and give final instructions before the Jews go into the Promised
Land and live out these commandments. In Deut. 6:1 Moses says, “Now this is the
commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach
you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it,… And then
in what seems like an attempt to sum up all 600 plus commandments he says in v.5, “You
shall LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
might.”

Now we are back to Tina Turner’s question: “What’s love got to do with it?” Great
question. On the surface the sacrificial system, rules, and statutes seem to be a tedious list of
do’s and don’ts. Stuff you just have to do whether you like it or not. It is just part of the deal
when you are in a covenant relationship, and it would be simple to just write it all off as Old
Testament Law. However, there seems to be a very clear principle that the LORD is requiring
of His people. It is a principle of love, an opportunity to display devotion, to be intentional,
obey, worship, and show their LORD that He is the most important priority in their life. To
demonstrate that He is their life, and He is their Master. These amazingly significant details
seem to be God saying this is what it means to love me. This is how I define love, receive
love.

As Christ followers we may want to quickly turn to the New Testament and start
living by grace. And you might think that is the right play except for a conversation Jesus has
with some Jewish leaders and a specific Pharisee, who happens to be a lawyer. The Jewish
lawyer asked Jesus, “Teacher which is the great commandment in the Law?” And Jesus
answered him, “You shall LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your
soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it:
You shall LOVE your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend ALL of the
Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40, emphasis is mine)

Jesus is basically going back to Deuteronomy and agreeing, affirming, and restating
Moses’ summary of the commandments, rules, and statutes by saying LOVE God and LOVE
others. Jesus says in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep (obey) my commandments.”
Obviously, there is a very significant connection between Love and Actions. Yahweh, the
covenant name used between God and Israel, was extremely clear how Israel would show and
demonstrate their love for God and toward God. With all your heart, soul, and mind shows
the Attitude we are to display when doing these actions. They were to live out these details
with an attitude of joy and gratitude because He was/is worthy of this honor. It was their way
of exalting, magnifying, and glorifying the One and Only God who chose them and brought
them out of slavery into a land flowing with milk and honey. It was a pleasure and honor to
obey Yahweh’s commandments because of their deep love for Him. In a sense God defined
what it meant to love Him and the attitude one should have in loving Him. Therefore, love
must have a whole lot to do with specific actions and a joyful attitude.

In the New Testament, we see another facet of love as it relates to specific actions and
attitudes. Love is sacrifice. Jesus says in Luke 9:23, “If anyone would come after me, let him
deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” I must deny myself and die to
myself for someone else or something else. Jesus again in John 15:13 says, “Greater love
has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” And then on the cross
we see the greatest specific act of love and attitude as Jesus says, “Father, forgive them, for
they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Truly unbelievable!!! Paul writes about the
relationship between a husband and wife in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives, as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Paul also writes what is often called
the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13 which contains a plethora of specific actions to do and
not to do as well as appropriate attitudes.

With all of this specific biblical teaching on love and modeling of love, it would seem
that we would be very clear on what love is and what love requires. Yet love still seems to be
a mystery even for Christians. It certainly doesn’t help that we receive a daily onslaught of
definitions and pictures of love from the entertainment world, social media, and culture.
(Talk about misinformation).

I watched a movie recently and the female main character was in love with the male
main character and he just couldn’t make the commitment. She finally gave up and was ready
to move when miraculously, he came to his senses and was ready to proclaim his undying
love and commitment to her. In this amazingly “romantic” scene he says something like this:
“I have realized that I cannot live without you and my life will be totally incomplete and
unfulfilled if you are not in it.” Of course, she melts into his arms and everyone is happy.
Except that what he was saying has nothing to do with love. He was basically saying I love
me, and because I love me, I need you to make me happy and have any sense of meaning in
my life. As a matter of fact, that is the opposite of love. It sounds like something between
selfishness and narcissism. For sure it is codependency (I need you to feel good about me)
which is an ugly word and a death sentence for any relationship.

As Biblical followers of Jesus, we know from the Bible that true love has to do with
specific actions and appropriate attitudes, and these actions and attitudes require some level
of sacrifice, or a denying of self. Our journey is to learn and discover what those specific
actions are that make others “feel” loved. Now I hesitate to use the word feel. We live in a
culture where people think with their feelings and are allowing those feelings to drive their
identity and actions. That is an article for another day. Nevertheless, I am writing to followers
of Jesus seeking biblical answers. Therefore, I want to give a caveat for using the word
“feel.” I am talking about feelings in the sense of what a reasonable human being who desires
a somewhat healthy, happy, meaningful, and fulfilling relationship.

This idea of discovering what makes people feel loved is a fairly common-sense idea.
If someone wanted to give a gift card to a friend or loved one to a restaurant it is fairly
reasonable that you would pick a restaurant that has food your friend likes. If they don’t eat
meat you might not choose Texas Roadhouse. If they are a diabetic it would be insensitive to
give them a gift card to Krispy Kreme. While you are giving them a gift/offering, it might not
be received as a gift of love.

The Five Love Languages book comes from this understanding of love. However, I
believe the offering of love to people so that they experience affirmation and love is much
deeper and more intimate than just doing one or two of a person’s potential love languages. I
have counseled many married couples through the years and heard a common phrase at some
point during the counseling session. Either the husband or the wife would point toward their
spouse and say, he/she just doesn’t love me. To which their spouse would respond by saying,
of course I love you. Immediately we can understand there is a disconnect. Through the years
I have learned it usually means one spouse does not feel loved. Perhaps the negligent spouse
is simply ignorant of this concept and has never been taught how to think in these terms. Or,
he/she may have real barriers to their ability to love like this and we need to unpack what has
happened to their heart that is blocking their inability to express love. Or maybe he/she truly
doesn’t love or care for their spouse. This last one can be most painful, especially for the
unloved spouse. I always hope it is just a matter of ignorance and hoping both people will
commit to learning and discovering what makes the other feel loved. Unfortunately, that is
rare.

The point is every person seems to have a specific list of things that make them feel
loved, or a way in which he/she defines what love is to them. Every person has their spoken
or unspoken definition of what makes them feel loved. If you have more than one child, you
know this is true. Part of our responsibility is to learn and understand what that definition is
or people around us may not feel like we love or care for them. If you are married it would be
very helpful to ask your spouse if he/she feels loved? It is very important to know.

A friend may ask you to help him move or sit with her at the hospital. If we say I
don’t move people, or I am too busy to come to the hospital. That friend may hear, “you
don’t love me.” A son asks his father to play a game with him, throw baseball, help with
homework, and the father not available. He hears “you do not love me.” A daughter wants to
have a play picnic and serve you lemonade or tea and you say I can’t. She hears “you do not
love me.” Your teenager asked you to talk but it’s 11:00pm at night and you say, “I’m going
to bed, it’s late.” He/she hears, “you don’t love me.” A wife asked you to rub her feet and you
say, “I don’t touch feet.” She hears “you don’t love me.” A husband says to his wife, “let’s
get involved in some hobby or play some activity.” She says, “I don’t like playing games.”
Or he would like his wife to be more attentive to sexual needs, but she is not interested. He
hears, “I don’t love you.” So perhaps, in an attempt to be faithful to God, we decide to just
suck it up and persevere in the relationship. However, we cannot just stay in the marriage as
an expression of love while being grumpy, critical, and bitter. The attitude negates the
actions. A spouse might think it would be better to leave since they are becoming resentful
and bitter. No, it would be better if you were not resentful and bitter. This is where the
biblical teaching of sacrifice becomes a significant part of denying self for a greater good and
committing to creating environments where people feel loved. Of course, as Christ followers
these things that make people feel loved should not and cannot violate Scripture. But the
point is that love really is in the details.

It is not always easy to discover the specific actions that make others feel loved and
cared for, then prioritize them in your daily life. Some people cannot even verbalize what
makes them feel loved. Also, it is vital to make the sacrifice and offering with joy and
positive emotions rather than being angry, resentful, or bitter. For the Jews going through
hundreds of sheep to find a perfect one year old male without any spots and extremely
healthy is a sacrifice. It might be nice to just grab the first one that comes to you or take an
unhealthy, lame, or sick lamb that is going to die anyway. They might wonder why they have
to take their best lamb and kill it?

Perhaps that is what happened to Cain whose offering was not accepted. Perhaps he
took short cuts, gave less, gave the wrong amounts, or threw something together at the last
minute. His actions displayed an unacceptable offering/sacrifice and his attitude showed he
did not believe God was worthy of more. He gets angry that God does not accept his offering
and he becomes resentful and bitter toward his brother. Cain might be in the tribe that says,
“you get what you get, and don’t pitch a fit.” However, that attitude is not the way you
respond to someone you love and honor. Even before the Law there were appropriate actions
and attitudes that people could demonstrate love and honor to God. Abel knew how to do it.

There are some who call themselves Christ followers while living this “get what you
get” mindset towards God and others. They would never say it out loud, but their actions and
attitude confirm this belief. They may show up occasionally to Sunday worship, read their
Bible if they have time, believe some of the Bible but not the outdated anti-cultural parts,
throw in a $10 bill during the offering, serve when it is convenient, and obey some of the
commandments. Sharing the gospel and making disciples at home and around the world may
be desires and thoughts but not reality. Giving sacrificially to Kingdom causes are not a
priority. They are basically telling God, “you get what you get, and don’t pitch a fit.” And
like Cain (Gen.4:5), and the person who received one talent (Matt. 25:30), their offering is
rejected.

It is a great lesson for us as we try to embrace this vital understanding of what love is,
as we seek to Love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength and Love others as we
love ourselves. God desires our complete devotion and denial of selfish wants and desires.
Surrender and sacrifice are a normal part of our relationship with Him as He modeled
sacrifice in giving His precious unblemished Lamb. Therefore, we should gladly and with
great joy sacrifice, deny self, and surrender all for King Jesus and His Kingdom. He is worthy
of every single specific act of love that we offer. And He is fully worthy of us doing those
actions with a heart of joy as we bring glory and honor to His magnificent Name.

As God has clearly defined what that means in our relationship with Him, we must be
faithful, courageous, and willing to sacrifice and suffer for the glory of His Name. And we
must be equally diligent and intentional to learn what it means to express love and care for
the specific people God has placed in our lives. It really is true; LOVE IS IN THE
DETAILS!